Kingmakers Board Game Parlour (Columbus, OH)

Who would’ve thought a board game parlor would get so popular on a Friday night? Oh wait, they have alcohol.

Are you Board? Scramble for Scrabble and Brews at Kingmakers Board Game Parlour

By: Sheriff of Rarden

Secret Hitler. Beer. Need I say more? …I do? Well damn, I guess I have to write a whole post now.

Kingmakers Board Game Parlour, located in the Short North district of Columbus, serves up board games, brewskis, wine, coffee and even hot chocolate. If you’re a happy daddy in need of a blood sugar spike you’ll have no problem whatsoever here with their hot cocoa and marshmallows. If you’re a sad daddy you’ll have no qualms here either: they’ve got enough beer and wine to aid you in swallowing your emotions and keep you dadpressed.

Last Friday, despite being a little sick and lethargic, I decided to go to the parlor with some coworkers. Sometimes you just need an excuse to go out so you don’t re-watch the Star Wars prequels for the umpteenth time. Fortunately for all of us, Kingmakers provides actual entertainment rather than the ironic joy that comes from watching schlock such as Attack of the Clones.

Resident Chancellor aka the name of my new Indie rock band.

Finding the entrance to the place is, in all honesty, a little tricky; there’s no big billboards or signs pointing your way to their door. Instead, there’s just a glass door with the Kingmakers logo on it and some stairs leading down. Turn the corner after going downstairs and you’re greeted with a cozy, surprisingly well-lit environment. You almost forget you’re underneath real estate offices.

The staff is incredible. They have a real love for what they do and you can tell by their positivity and genuine interest in board games. If you go to their website they say that an employee actually has to know the rules to at least 30 board games before they can work there: that alone should let you know that the service will be nothing less than excellent. Of note: there’s a flat five dollar fee to start playing games and you can only pay with a card. This is hardly a problem, though.

As you can see from my face, I’m simply ecstatic to be there.

Due to being a little under the weather, I was only able to try one beer the whole night. Being a fan of dark beer, I went with New Holland Brewing’s Poet Oatmeal Stout and Bod almighty was it goat. The staff had to throw me out in the rain cause I was literally on so much fire that I actually became a living, breathing goat fire. I became a signal fire connecting my earthly presence to God Bod above. It was goat.

Actual photo taken of me two seconds after taking my first sip.

I only planned on staying at the bar for maybe two hours at the most. I think I spent upwards of four hours there and never once felt board (my dad joke quota is now fulfilled). There are hundreds of games there. We played Secret Hitler, Settlers of Catan, Bananagrams and the almost certainly cringe-inducing What do you Meme? and had a great time with all of them.

There’s really not much to complain about in all honesty: I don’t think I have a single gripe. The beer is on the pricier side but that’s to be expected when you’re going out; if you want to get drunk on a budget just grab a 30 rack of Milwaukee’s Best Ice for $13.99 and get trashed while watching The Phantom Menace. And yes, you have to be watching The Phantom Menace or the Wauks won’t have the same effect.

All in all, you’l be hard pressed to find anything resembling Kingmakers Board Game Parlour anywhere else in Columbus. If you’re in the area, do yourself a favor and go with some friends; you won’t regert it.

Parable of the day: “Bendro 47:1 – To stop GOATing is to start WOATing”

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