SPAM Fried Rice: On Fire

I know you’re already enticed just by the name, but before I get started here I need to tell you a few things. You do not always have to follow recipes to a T. In fact, many of the best chefs don’t measure precisely (most specifically spices and seasonings.) Watch a cooking show and you’ll see them say “a pinch of salt,” or “that’s about a half cup of white wine.” Why does this matter? Because at the end of the day, you aren’t making this for customers at a restaurant, or for Gordon Ramsay to judge, this is for you and maybe a significant other. Just season things as liberally as you’d like.

Food needed/measurements

2 cups white rice (Preferably yesterday’s rice)

1 yellow onion, diced

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 can red kidney beans (black would also work)

1 can Spam (any kind you can get your hands on, it’s all good)

2 large eggs

Rice vinegar, little splash

Worcestershire sauce, couple squirts

Soy sauce, couple more squirts

1 Tbsp. of honey, 1 Tbsp. of butter, both 1000% necessary. Don’t @ me, health nuts!

Onto the herbs and spices…


Look, for some reason people have this negative view of MSG as if it’s “soooo artificial, it’s horrible for you, and it’ll kill your brain cells!” None of that is true. It’s simply a food additive that amps up umami flavor. Ask almost any chef, it makes everything taste better, just like butter. Use a little half teaspoon.

Be sure to still use some kosher salt, to taste

Dash of black pepper

Dash of cayenne, smoked paprika

Alright, alright, alright, so how is it done?

First, make sure everything is out and ready to go on the counter-top. Next, chop your onion and garlic, and slice that Spam. Proceed to toss the Spam onto a pan with a little bit of neutral oil, make sure it’s on medium-high heat, and allow the sides to get crispy. Then, add in the onion and get that a little translucent. After that, toss in that garlic and once it’s fragrant, mix it all together. Rice time, toss in your 2 cups of white rice. Next, toss in the beans, make sure they’re drained, mix that all in and clear half your pan. Set in the butter and eggs. mix them around, and just before they’re solid, introduce them to the mixture. Add the liquid ingredients and spices and you are literally a goat on fire.


“Spank me, SPAM!” -Me right before I destroyed this.

Now remember, make it how you please, but this way works well for me. Recipe should give you 2-3 servings of dadlicious fried rice.

Ease: Pretty easy

Cost: Cheap AF. It’s rice, beans, eggs, and Spam

Taste: Hella 🔥, 8.5-10


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