“Thou fathers commence upon a village downward of the holy pathway. Thy beverages shall be consumed in alliance with the bovine supper.” -God Bod
Southern Ohio, 1886
A village is formed in the county of Scioto. From that point on, it was one man’s mission to turn a small community, into a holy land. Who was this prophet? an individual known only by the name of God Bod. It wasn’t long before he who possessed the power utilized his ample surrounding of cows to create the finest sandwich in the western world; The Rarden Burger.
The year was two thousand and eighteen A.D. (After Dad), Four collegiate men embarked upon an eastbound journey from Losantiville to the far east land of Athenia, Ohio. On their voyage, they came across a small town in Ohio’s “Wild West” region, known by some as “Scioto County.” At this moment, many beverages had already vanished, and the group’s tobacco supply had run thin. There they stopped in what seemed to be an ordinary town but they would soon realize this was no ordinary town. This was Rarden… Through their exploration the four men realized what they truly needed in their lives. T’was not intelligence via textbooks, but the enlightenment of their lives through Dadentology and Bodism. Though the village now split in two with Western Rardeners being “Dadentologist truthers,” and Eastern Rardeners abiding by the ideals of their holy men the “Bodist Bonks,” once a year the village comes together for the annual “Rarden Burger Appreciation Fest”, which just so happened to be when the four men arrived. It’s safe to say the timing was impeccable. The men indulged in numerous sacrificial cows, and indulged the peoples of both sectors of the Sacred Church of God Bod. Though the group’s beliefs were split in two, they overcame their differences and formed what you all know now as “Dad Bod Collective.”
Five years had passed, t’was now the spring of the year two thousand and twenty three A.D., Dadentologist Pope Screwdriver began an expedition in search of reuniting with God Bod, and collecting laundered Peebles coin. Upon his entrance to Rarden, a place that he’d only known as bustling, affluent, and full of religious entities devouring cows, was now void of holy followers, and slowly decaying. See his journey below.
One turn away from glory off of SR-32. 
Wildest county in Ohio. 
Once you enter, you will never be the same. 
Phenomenal Marathon. Sheriff of Rarden was inside and seemed ticked off. Really thankful he didn’t see my burger. 
Pope Screwdriver got his first Rardstar from the source! 
The way they are aged here adds a unique metallic-like taste. “Every sip is bliss.” -Pope Screwdriver 
Rarden Flame Department. 
Rarden. 
The Bell of Rarden. Lore says this is rung once a year during the “Rarden Burger Appreciation Fest” when the fry cook finishes the final burger of the night, a legendary 16 ounce patty known as the “Pound Town Pounder.” 
Many speculate this is where the first Rarden Burger was cooked. 
God Bod’s childhood home. 
God Bod’s bedroom was on the third floor of the turret. 
When God Bod was a child he would pick fish out of this creek and eat them raw. 
Site of the world’s first DADAWAIACANS. 
Rarden Community Park. 
No one gathered at the site of the annual “RBAF.” 
These fields are used for cow harvesting. 
Tyrese Haliburton practiced here as a child and is a registered Dadentologist. 
Original Bovine Brutality House of Rarden. 
Casa de Sheriff of Rarden. 
This truck was used for the bi-annual Rarden Barn Hay Parade from 1983-1991. 
Rarden Post Office, used frequently for the packing and shipping of low quality cows to the nearby town of Peebles for their inferior burgers. 
Rarden Church of God Bod Worship House. 
Dadentologists of Rarden Research Facility. 
Rarden Sheriff’s Office. 
Railroad of Rarden. 
Decisions to make at the Holy Pathway.
Wherever you are in the world, a visit to Rarden, Ohio is an absolute must, especially during the annual “Rarden Burger Appreciation Fest.” Check it out, learn about the church, and taste perfection. Don’t fear the sheriff, just make sure you eat your burger in Rarden, and don’t try to drive away with it, otherwise he will find you, and you will likely get sentenced to death.
Dad Blog 